On Being Married

How’s married life?

It’s a question that any newlywed is used to hearing. A LOT.

And my stock answer has generally been … “About the same as before we got married.” Because really, the truth is, I don’t generally feel that different. Most of the time, married life feels basically the same as unmarried life except now we no longer have to plan a wedding.

But Sunday, as we drove back from a hike Dave said to me, “You know, I like being married. And it doesn’t feel exactly the same. Because now when we have a nice day going for a hike or whatever, I think, oh wow, that was so nice, and this is what the rest of my life is going to be like.”

And that’s when I realized what I love about being married — it’s that clarity and sense of peace you get from finally figuring out some piece of your life.

When I look back on my life pre-Dave, I see all the time, energy, and anxiety that was spent in trying to find the right guy. All the stress worrying I would never find that guy. And the constant second guessing as to whether the guy I was dating was THE right guy.

It was a mind suck and a life suck. I could have been writing novels, or cooking, or taking up decoupage. But instead I was going on dates, and analyzing my dates ad nauseum with friends, and then of course the inevitable, lying in bed listening to, “Hey Eugene,” when another date failed to materialize.

I don’t usually think about all of this when someone asks me how married life is. Generally, I’m comparing married life with Dave to unmarried life with Dave and they’re basically pretty similar. But the reason they’re so similar is because, frankly, we both figured out fairly early on that we were going to get married. As anxious and prone to stress as I am, I had next to no stress about my relationship with Dave. I didn’t worry about where it was going, because I knew where it was going. Since I knew we were getting married and we got married in a fairly timely fashion (although our parents would say not timely enough) I never spent any of our unmarried time stressing about our collective future.

Even when we weren’t married, I had the clarity and peace that comes from marriage because I knew that we were getting married. If we hadn’t gotten married, I’m not sure I could say that I would have had that clarity and peace unmarried. For me, marriage has been like an anchor, stabilizing me even before we formally said our vows. 

How’s married life?

It’s pretty freaking awesome.

3 responses to “On Being Married

  1. This makes me happy. I thought that at Eliz’s not-a-shower you seemed brighter and more peaceful than I’ve ever seen you before, and now I know why. Congratulation, Ru!

  2. Awww, I love this post!

    I feel much the same way with Mr E Man – married life isn’t that much different from co-habiting life, except that there is that extra level of security.

    One of my favourite things about being married might sound a bit strange… it’s when we both go out with separate groups of friends, but both come home to each other at the end of the night and compare stories of how our evenings went. It doesn’t happen all that often – when we go out it’s usually together – but when it does happen it feels like having the very best of both worlds!

  3. Gemma Hopkins

    Hi Ruchi,

    I’m really happy to hear that married life is treating you so well! I actually saw your incredible wedding on Off Beat Bride a little while ago, as I’m presently setting up a wedding planning company that will launch in London in September and was truly inspired by your celebration. Taking an example from the traditions of many other cultures, I will specialise in designing 2-4 day weddings that make the absolute most of having brought loved ones together, because this for me is the most important element of all. While other cultures such as yours fill some of that time with sacred customs, we sadly lack many of those, so instead I will focus on combining British tradition with a vibrant uniqueness. The couples’ own ‘customs’ and stories will be brought to life by re-creating moments they have shared or things they love to do in events that span more than a day, building into it a ceremony that can be as classic or untraditional as they wish.

    I’m going to launch with an article about the strengths of multi-day weddings in enabling the couple to truly enjoy themselves and spend precious time with friends and family, and I’d be absolutely over the moon to have a chat with you about your wedding and see whether you might be interested in featuring in the article.

    With best wishes,

    Gemma

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