A Tale of Two Flights

This past month has been filled with travel in our household, and this weekend marks our third trip back East in the past six weeks or so.

On our flight back East to Chicago, we almost missed the flight because some people (cough … Dave … cough) are slightly, shall we say, optimistic about the time it takes to park at SFO and about the size of the security line at 7:00 am. As such, we arrived at our terminal at 6:30 for an (I’m not shitting you) 6:55 am flight.

Somehow, we made it onto the plane, and I twisted Dave’s arm until he promised that from now on, I decide when we leave.

The next weekend, we were on our way to New York for our engagement party, and I was determined this flight would be better. I also figured this would be easy because our flight wasn’t until 4:00 pm.

You know where this is going…

It all started the night before when we were attacked once again by malarial mosquitos, and Dave stayed up roughly half the night because once awake, he couldn’t get back to sleep. As a result, we both were exhausted this morning and not thinking as clearly as we could have been. But still, 4:00 pm flight. No big deal. And we spent the first few hours of the morning getting necessary work done.

Dave wasn’t able to check in online for some reason, so we decided to leave for the airport at about 2:00 pm. So around 12:45 pm, we stopped working and started getting ready to go. And that’s when the madness began.

12:45 pm: I realize the shoes for the engagement party that I paid ridiculous amounts of money to ship one day early service have not arrived. Get on the phone with UPS. Get placed on hold.

12:50 pm: UPS customer service insists that they can’t track down the driver of my package. I insist that they either get my package to me by 2:00 pm, or that they refund me for shipping. Customer service insists that they do not have the ability to refund me for shipping. I ask for a voucher. They say that’s not possible either.

12:55 pm: Still arguing with UPS. I ask to speak with a manager. UPS customer service deflects.

1:00 pm: Still arguing.

1:05 pm: Twenty minutes later, they finally agree to let me talk to a manger. Get placed on hold. I ask Dave to call a taxi for us for 2:00pm.

1:07 pm. Dave calls the taxi service and is told that there’s a big conference and so a taxi may or may not be dispatched to our house at 2:00 pm. WTF?

1:10 pm: UPS manager is somehow miraculously able to track down the driver of my package who I had been previously told was impossible to track down. The driver is at lunch, but he’ll be able to be at our house at 2:15 pm. I thank the UPS manager profusely and hang up the phone.

1:15 pm: Dave goes to grab sandwiches for our lunch and I head to the room to finish packing.

1:25 pm: Mid-packing, realize we still do not have a guaranteed taxi. I get on the phone to the green taxi service, because, clearly they will recognize a kindred soul just from the sound of my voice. Call a taxi for 2:15 and pray the shoes will have arrived.

1:30 pm: Dave comes back with the sandwiches and an aqua fresca.

1:35 pm: Realize I have an email to send.

1:40 pm: Drag the packed bags into the hallway. Dave asks if I packed his underwear. Ummm, I don’t remember … does he really need underwear?

1:45 pm: Dave gets hysterical and starts pulling apart the suitcase to see what I have remembered to pack of his. I packed: his suit, suit socks, belt, shirt, swim suit, jeans, and socks. I forgot: any tee-shirts and underwear. I get defensive because CLEARLY I remembered more things than I forgot and also, why do I have to pack his stuff?

1:46 pm: Dave argues that I DON’T HAVE TO PACK his stuff but then I shouldn’t say that I packed them, and also HE GOT LUNCH FOR ME AND AN AGUA FRESCA.

1:47 pm: I didn’t WANT AN AGUA FRESCA!

1:48 pm: BUT THEY ARE VERY REFRESHING!!

1:49 pm: Running around the apartment like proverbial chickens with our heads cut off.

2:02 pm: Our taxi arrives. They’re early! Dave checks. No, this is the taxi that we were told may or may not arrive. I better get on the phone with the other taxi service and cancel.

2:04 pm: Other taxi service’s phone system hangs up on me.

2:05 pm: My shoes for the engagement party arrive! I rip open the boxes to try on all four pairs in a hurry. I hate all of them. Forget the shoes, I tell Dave. I’ll just wear a pair I already own. Dave looks at me like he is about to kill me.

2:07 pm: Dave is still mad at me. I haul the bags to the taxi.

2:09 pm: Dave mutinously gets into the taxi. I offer him the agua fresca. He refuses. But it is so refreshing!!

2:11 pm: Strange taxi guy asks us if there is a problem. We settle down.

2:12 pm: Strange taxi guy starts asking us about various Hindu holidays. I pretend to know anything about Hinduism.

2:25 pm: We arrive at SFO. I realize I forgot to call the other taxi company back. But at least we’re at the airport an hour and a half early for our flight this time, I tell Dave. Dave shoots me a look. We get to the gate and I promise not to buy shoes the day before our engagement party ever again.

Lucky for me, I don’t think we’re having an engagement party ever again.