How Getting Married Turns You Into A Crazy Person

I feel that the title of this post is fairly self-explanatory, and indeed probably self-evident. Yes, getting married will turn you, very sane you, into a crazy person. You know that. And yet, you will be surprised.

Par example, generally speaking, I have a fairly positive attitude about my physical appearance. I think I weigh an okay amount and I think I clean up pretty well though generally speaking I am too lazy to do any said cleaning.

But lately, I feel that I have been gripped by THE FEAR that SOMETHING will go wrong and I won’t be a pretty, pretty princess on my wedding day. Like maybe I’ll get shingles! Or break my leg! Or burn myself! LIFE IS DANGEROUS. The other day I went to a salon to get my eyebrows cleaned up, and I have to be honest, I don’t know anything about eyebrow shaping but when the salon lady told me that my eyebrows were uneven I kinda freaked out a little in my head. Even though I have no idea what the frack she is talking about, what if my eyebrows are secretly lopsided in my wedding pictures? What then?

(I should note that this paranoia is not limited to the fairer sex: my lovely fiance also had a moment of terror when he singed his eyelashes the other day in a barbecuing accident. I had to go online to assure him that his eyelashes would grow back in time for his big day.)

But this paranoia really reached the heights of ridiculousness last night at around 2:00 am when, after being bit by a couple nasty mosquitos, I proceeded to freak out that I might develop the first case of San Francisco malaria in about a bajillion years. And instead of worrying about you know, the obvious public health implications of malaria turning up in San Francisco, I worried about what I would do if I were all malariaed up at my wedding.

Because really, what else matters?

In conclusion, getting married totally turns you into a crazy person. Also, if I get malaria in a couple weeks, I totally told you so.

7 responses to “How Getting Married Turns You Into A Crazy Person

  1. Hmmm… maybe you should just elope and save yourself a lot of trouble.

  2. It’s tempting … except that having our community at our wedding is very important. Plus I’m not convinced eloping would stop one from worrying about looking like a pretty princess in the photos….

  3. If you have the right lifemate, your joy will make you beautiful, regardless of any temporary or permanent physical imperfections you may have at the time. Enjoy each other for the rest of your lives, and don’t stress over how you look, the exact details of what could or does go wrong over the party weekend, etc. Just be happy that you’ve got a great person to be with–forever!

  4. Norman, your advice is good. And yet somehow harder to follow than one would think once you’re in the grips of wedding paranoia. (Esp when said paranoia occurs at 2 am.) 😉

  5. Time for some middle-of-the-night exercise…or more exercise during the week–so that you’ll sleep better. Oh, wait–I’m projecting. Probably right, but I should exercise more too! 🙂

  6. Pingback: A Tale of Two Flights | arduous blog

  7. Yes, getting married makes you a crazy person. For me, the crazy never went away. It just got channeled into other projects. Before the wedding, I was content to come home, knit and watch TV for hours, and generally bum around. Now I take on BIG PROJECTS and obsess constantly. I blame marriage.

    How’s the marriage going so far, by the way?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s