I feel like I’m living in a permanent state of high stress zombie mode. And now I can’t quite remember what my life was like when I wasn’t over-scheduled every minute of the day. I feel like I probably wasn’t very productive. Because there’s the rub isn’t it? When you’re busy, you wish you were not. Right now, I dream of all the things I would do if I had spare time. I would take a language class, I would cook more, I would exercise every day, I would have eyebrows that didn’t look like old growth forests.
But that’s not actually what happens when you have time. What happens when you have time is that your extra time gets sucked into some sort of “dick around” vortex wherein you actually wind up with just as little time as when you are very busy. I know this because last year when I was semi-employed, I thought I was crazy busy and overwhelmed. Little did I know.
Last week in my manic-ness I hung up about 20 different pictures on our bedroom wall. I put stuff up on the mantle. I reorganized bookshelves. And now our apartment looks one more step away from sanitarium chic.
How did I not have time to do all this stuff back before I had a full time job and before I was in crazy wedding planning mode? What did I do with my life?
Sometimes I look forward to after the wedding when life will be a little more relaxed. I think of all the projects I’ll have time for then. But realistically, who knows if they will get taken care of? It might be that I’m more likely to get them now, in super bot mode than any time else.